When we find ourselves entrenched in a battle with our kids we, sometimes feel it would be easiest to just let things go. Deal with it later or sweep it under the rug. As parents, myself included, from time to time, find ourselves exhausted, overwhelmed and just plain old fed up! When we reach our limits we often feel as though we just can’t deal. It’s in these moments that our chosen parenting tactic for surviving is to simply not deal. When we get into this habit of giving in, ignoring or not dealing, we find ourselves encountering more and more power struggles. The episodes become more frequent and the level of intensity increases as well. What this does to us as parents is it exhausts us more and leaves us NOT dealing in order to deal or cope. When this cycle continues parents slowly lose control and before we know it our kids begin to take the driver’s seat. We find our kids dictating everything and throwing a massive fit if it doesn’t go their way.
HOW CAN WE STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING?
HOW CAN WE GET BACK IN CONTROL?
TOP 5 PARENTING MISTAKES
- Demanding, demanding, demanding
It’s important to not demand and demand of our kids. When we ride and nag them constantly, they begin to feel overpowered and feel as though they have little or no control over their world. When this happens they begin to lash out in order to try and gain back the control that is being lost. If can ASK and NOT TELL, our kids will feel more respected and in turn will be more apt to cooperate.
- Lacking Follow Through
When we lack follow through we create confusion in our kids. Kids thrive on boundaries and clear expectations. When we don’t follow through on something we’ve said or they expected us to do- boundaries become unclear. This leads to increased tantrums and power struggles, as our kids are unsure of our expectations and where we finally will draw the line. They need to test further to try and figure out the boundary lines.
- Giving Empty Threats
The good old-fashioned empty threat will do no good. For example: ‘I’m going to leave without you if you don’t put your shoes on.’ OR ‘ If you don’t stop crying then we are leaving.’ OR ‘If you don’t eat your dinner, then no dessert.’ Sound familiar? If you are not going to follow through on what you say- then don’t say it! Empty threats are only making matters worse and creating more confusion. Your kids learn to not believe what you say. Your words and have zero meaning and over time you find you’ve lost all control. Your kids begin to dictate everything and become the boss.
- Yelling, Nagging, & Reminding
Kids who forget have parents who remind. Kids who yell have parents who yell. Kids, who push back on everything you say, have parents who nag. Our kids follow our example. Often we do things that we feel are helping, but in reality they are making matters worse. To stop yelling and nagging we first need to set our kids up for success. We need to make clear what we expect of them and then stop reminding and nagging. Let them go and give them the chance to succeed and fail. This is where they learn true responsibility and capability.
- Doing Everything For Your Kids
Stop catering to your kids. Set up rules, expectations and routines. Let your kids do for themselves, everything they can almost do. Don’t do for your kids what they are capable of doing for themselves. This makes them lack confidence and self-worth. We need to Build Our Child’s Independence, not inhibit them. Your actions are telling them they are not capable. Kids want to feel needed and as though they have a purpose. Set aside more time each morning to let them tie their own shoes. Start a routine where your kids pack their bags the night before to ensure it gets done. Don’t drive forgotten homework to school. Let natural consequences take place. Let your kids DO!
If you find you are doing some or all of the above parenting mistakes try making changes one-step at a time – Everything is Fixable. Figure out which of the 5 mistakes you do most often and start there. Small changes make big impacts. Everything is fixable and you can do it!
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